3rd October

They say that things always work out okay in the end, more so than you expect. At the moment I'm inclined to actually disagree with that, but I do have to concede that there are moments of light within every dark episode. This week has been a pretty draining one, and I have the distinct impression that this is exactly what life is going to be like for the next year. It's a depressing thought, simply because if this is how worn out I'm feeling after one month, how am I going to be feeling after a whole year of it?

And more importantly: how the hell am I going to be able to sit down and do NaNoWriMo with this much work on my plate? I suppose this is a thought I'm going to have to ignore for a little while. I'll have to condition myself to appreciate the more positive things in life, and stop myself from spending so much time gazing stupidly at the negative elements of every situation. But, even as I think this and make little resolutions to myself that I will honestly think in a more positive light, I find myself unable to do so. It's ridiculous, but the amount of stupid things being thrown at me at the moment is doing more than keeping me on my toes. It's like a dog trying to be a ballerina. It's not working.

So, right now I'm sat here thinking about my week and trying to pull out all of the positive bits. So far I've got... Not a lot. This week I've done all of my homework. Of course, I had some problems with that (involving a teacher getting annoyed at me because of a USB stick corruption that totally wasn't my fault- and HELL I emailed it him anyway...), but let's not think about that. So, I did all my homework. Well, all except for that important coursework that I have no idea how to go about and that stupid personal study for history which is eating my brain out.

I wrote 2,500 words today, which is more than I've written all week. And although this shows today to be a good day, it also suggests that this week has been incredibly poor. Aw hell, another negative point. Today I had a nap when I felt tired, but then of course we can relate this to my energy levels and discuss the fact that at seventeen years old, even with a full eight hour + night sleep, I still need to take daily naps. Does that make me weird? Or is it just because I'm constantly tired, and things are so much better when I'm sleeping? Perhaps I should avoid answering my own questions, because the answers only ever come out cynical and depressive anyway. Either that or I get sidetracked and never actually answer the questions I started out with.

And, to be perfectly honest, I can see nothing more positive about my week. And, this week was a week without much homework, and week that should have been easy. Whatever does that mean for next week? I can only worry because the more I think about it, the more worried I get, and the more worried I get the more I think about it. It's a horribly vicious circle, in which I find myself close to tears on numerous occasions and people simply telling me that it will either get better (my mother), or worse (all the teachers at school). Where do that leave me? *eyeroll*

So, aside from all this useless angst, I suppose there is little else for me to do tonight except sleep it off. Again. I just hope this time that it works.

I guess tomorrow I have my NaNo meet to look forward to. I hope it's one of those cold, fresh days that tastes like frost and autumn, and looks bright and cool. I don't want one of those horrible grey days, with no sunlight and nothing but drizzle rain. At least if it's going to rain (which I hope it doesn't because I don't have an umbrella and I have to walk through the town centre to get to the pub) I want it to rain properly. I want the heavens to open and pour buckets of the stuff from the sky whilst playing a loud thunder rumble and some bright flashes of lightning. No, what I want tomorrow is a nice crisp autumn day. I wonder if, for once, I can have this nice weather when I want it, so I can go out tomorrow all wrapped up in gloves and scarf and wash all the depression away with that biting wind. =P

Anyway. I have rambled for FAR too long tonight, and I'm sure this is getting boring. I could go on all night, but I have to get up in a few hours, so it's probably best that I get some sleep.

Words written today: 2,549

Overall word count: 76,114

Lines for today:

“Miaan...”

“Yeah?”

“Miaan, I slept with Ellette.”

Miaan’s head jerked at her words as he turned his head towards her. “What?”

“More than once.” She began to feel sick; her stomach was churning and all she could think of was the lake, and the rolling waters around her body, and the cool grass beneath her body.