Coming back for MORE?
It's October again, leaves are falling down like rain. One more year's come and gone, but nothing's changed. Wasn't I supposed to be someone who could face the things that I've been running from?
I sent my UCAS form off tonight. Paid for it, and everything, so now all I have to wait for is Mr Kilgour to do his thang. =O
I'm watching Cold Case now, ready to go to bed. I just thought I'd post something up here, first.
KISS AND MAKE UP
"And why the fuck couldn't you tell me this before you let the monkey outside?" Rouge threw her hands up into the air and advanced on me quickly.
"I- I- the monkey wanted o-out?" I didn't know how else to defend myself, but I knew I had to say something. When Rouge got into these moods it was quite easy for her to get violent, and I had more than enough scars already. I didn't need any more. By age six I'd already counted five-hundred-and-six of the damn things, and that was before she got "damaged".
"For fuck's sake, Blue. You really are pathetic, you know that?" She began to pace up and down the Sun Room, her skirt swishing angrily around her legs.
"I know," I mumbled. All I'd done was let the monkey outside in the snow. How much harm could that do?
"God! And he actually agrees with it!" She let out a little bark of sarcastic laughter and slammed her fist against her palm. "I really hate you sometimes."
"I know," I said again. Really, what do you say when your older sister is ready to castrate you and stick your living-breathing body into a boiling vat of acid?- and I'm not exaggerating that, I've seen her do it.
"Shut the fuck up!" she shrieked. And then, before I could react I felt the whoosh of air as one of my sister's priceless vases was thrown at my head, flowers and all. Luckily, when she gets angry her aim is poor, and I was able to dodge it.
"Hey!" I yelled. "Come on Redd, there's ab- absolutely no need for that!"
"No need? No need? I'll show you no fucking need!" She grabbed another one and hurled it at my face, and then another which made contact and glanced off my shoulder. I'm surprised she's even got any of the damn things left.
"Shit! That really hurt!" I grabbed my shoulder and rubbed at it furiously whilst backing myself into a corner. It would probably be okay so long as I made her feel like she was in control.
"Oh, I'm sorry did my antique vase smash all over your shoulder? How clumsy of me. Here, have another one!" This one hit as well, bounced of my chest and knocked me backwards. And, sadly enough the only thing I could think was 'Thank God she's not using the cutlery again', because that had been an interesting experience.
"I'm sor- sorry," I said. "Real sorry. I won't do it again, I promise?"
"You sure as fuck won't!" she screeched and hurled something smaller at me. I realised upon impact that it was the monkey, and that she hadn't thrown it, the bloody thing had jumped itself like a psychotic fur-ball on a suicide kick. I pulled at the creature angrily and attempted to toss him to the floor. He bounced away before I could, though, and up into his mother's arms. "Oh, sweetie," she murmured softly. "Did he hurt you? You're a fucking bastard, Blue, you know that? A mother fucking sweet-faced bastard."
After a few moments she looked up. Chiz jumped from her arms and scampered away, and she smiled at me sweetly.
"Come here," she said. "You're bleeding."
"It doesn't matter," I said with a shake of my head. "It's only a cut."
"No," she whispered moving closer to me. "Let me have a look at that." I knew that to disobey her would be disastrous at this point, so I let her come closer. She rubbed at my arm gently, and began to trail her fingers up and down my face where a shard of the vase had grazed my right cheek. "Poor, poor baby," she whispered. It became a mantra, a soothing comforting mantra for both of us.
She kissed me once, and then again, and then pulled me down onto the bed. I could never understand why arguments always led to sex, I really couldn't.
--
I went to an interview once, for a place washing laundry at one of the local hotels. They asked me whether I'd be happy to work full hours, and actually sleep on the site, and I was only too happy to oblige. I'd have done anything to get out of that house. "Do you have any family?" they asked me, and I told them about my sisters. "So why do you want to come down here, then? Is there a reason?" they'd questioned and the only thing I'd been able to say slipped from my lips before I was ready to admit it.
"Why yes," I'd told them, "There is a reason, really. My older sister is a psychopathic sex-obsessed bitch with ambitions to take over the world, and my little sister is a glorified whore, so I don't like to spend much time with them."
Needless to say, I didn't get that job after all.
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